At the Rovers, meanwhile, it turns out that today is Stella's birthday and, for her present, Karl is taking her out shopping, basically, so she can buy her own presents, the lazy arse. Lazy but clever.
After a short bit of Kirk trying to act hard (but just coming across as more confused than normal), Maria and Chris finally sit down to discuss Chris' potential tumour. Chris tells Maria that he doesn't want her to come with him to the doctors. He says that him leaving Maria is for the best because he doesn't want to hurt her by going all dead on her, like her last husband. Bit of a poor excuse, really. Tumour or not, she's well fit.
Audrey walks into her salon to find Kylie giving Mary an 'Indian head massage' At least Kylie calls it that, it looks a more like she's trying screw her head off. Feeling nauseous Mary gets up and storms out, expressing relief that she didn't agree to having candles in her ears. And they say she's mental, eh? Seeing this, Audrey then tells Kylie to take the sign advertising her therapies down.
Leanne agonises about going over for Stella's birthday so Peter tells her to get her a card. Novel idea, that. I can see why the ladies fancy him. Last of the big spenders.
Cheryl goes to the doctor with Chris, and tells him a story of a woman who had cancer and didn't die. Chris points out that, unfortunately, most do. Hence why doctors don't really approve of it.
Back in the Rovers, while talking about Julie, we discover that the closest Eileen got to 'her soul mate' was her ex taking his chuddy out of his mouth before kissing her. She's lucky he agreed to kiss her at all, picky cow. Completely ignoring what Eileen has to say, Lloyd contiues to pout about Cheryl and Chris becoming closer. He puts two and two together and comes up with, roughly, 4.5 (because, let's face it, we can all see what's coming).
Speaking of Chris, he finds out he does have a tumour. A bad one. Cheryl asks the doctor what this means and Chris has to explain. At least it's not affecting his hearing or ability to understand simple sentences. Maybe they x-rayed Cheryl's bonce by mistake?
In the bistro, Nick is digesting the review from the food critic that Gail tried to feed her fingers to. "Families? Don't you just love them," comments Nick. No, Nick, not yours. Not any of them.
Lloyd enters in an attempt to find Cheryl only for Nick to accuse her of throwing a sickie. A perplexed Lloyd covers for Cheryl, saying that he got his dates mixed up and she did actually have a doctors appointment.
Meanwhile, back at Lloyd's flat, Chris is coming to terms with his news. Telling Cheryl of his pride about always being the fittest person and the hardest grafter at work or in the gym but that now he's got a tumour. If anything, this goes some way to proving my theory that exercise is bad for you.
At the salon, Mary comes in to complain about having whiplash from Kylie's 'treatment'. By way of compensation, Audrey gives her a free haircut, to be taken out of Kylie 'The Boston Strangler' Platt's (Mary's words, not mine) wages.
When Leanne goes to the Rovers to hand over Stella's birthday card, Eva is a right cow to Leanne. She takes the card off Tina, telling her she'll pass it on, before sneakily ripping it up.
Chris and Cheryl continue to talk about his tumour. Cheryl tries to get Chris to try and be positive, telling him that he has " lots to live for". Well, yes, love, that's sort of the problem. Chris says that he is worried about what to tell Russ and how he won't be able to see him grow up to become a brain surgeon. At least he's got a sence of humour.
In the Rovers, Audrey is telling Gail all about her rat-faced son and his wife's therapy disasters but says that all people are young and foolish at some point in their lives. Gail says she wasn't young and foolish, she may be right but she is, instead, old and hideous.
Over the bar, Eileen spies on Julies date with Brian and get's her money's worth of entertainment, had she actually paid. Julie, not only called Brian a 'finely honed athlete' (a wonderful joke in itself) but also knocks a drink flying over his groin and, in an attempt to mop it up, she touches up him and his, err, "wallet".
In the back-room, Stella is back from her self-service birthday present shopping. She hopefully asks Eva if Leanne popped in to see her. Eva lies and says Leanne didn't bother, leaving Stella a bit gutted.
In the final scene of this instalment, Lloyd walked in on Cheryl and Chris' little chat. In doing so, he makes a ill-timed 'sick in the head' jibe and, thinking Cheryl and Chris are getting a bit too close, tells him to do one, which he does.
Cheryl then has a go at Lloyd both because he didn't know about the tumour and the fact that he is neither a mind-reader or a CAT scanner. Which is a shame because, if he was, maybe they would have caught it earlier when he first saw Chris giving Cheryl a smack.
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