Over at the factory Carla is giving Frank the silent treatment over yesterday's little stunt at the bistro. She agrees to forgive him if he discloses some of his own dark secrets. What could he tell her? That he did actually force himself on Maria? That he really does have no eyes? Maybe that he used to be in The Bill? No. None of these. His dark secret is that he got a badge for walking to Cockermouth with the scouts. Cockerhead.
At Tyrone's, Tina is busy doing the washing and strangling a cat/singing. Tommy comes in and, between some laundry-based flirting, asks if Tina is busy after work, before vanishing upstairs to put some clean keks on, apparently for the first time in a week.
Later on, Tommy tells Tyrone that he is planning on trying to win Tina round by cooking for her. Ty calls him an idiot, a judgement which is hard to argue with. It's a bit of a case of the pot calling the kettle black, mind, as, after Tommy knocks back the suggestion of cooking chilli because the weather is hot, Tyrone protests on the grounds that "Mexicans eat it and it's always hot over there." Meanwhile, in the Rovers, Tina is trying to chat up the doctor, even though he looks a like he could be a bit gay.
Back in Prisoner Cell Block H, Ruth is surprised to hear that Fizz is up on a charge of murder. When Fizz protests her innocence, saying that she doesn't even look like a killer, Ruth tells us that Shelly O'Brien (y'know, from in the kitchens) killed her mother with a toothbrush. Mad bitch.
Anyway, Fizz starts mumbling about getting out to find Hope on drugs or something, her usual cheery chatter before telling a curious Ruth about John and the murders. Ruth tells Fizz she should write a book and that she could end up posing in a swimsuit, with a gun. I think it's better for us all that none of this happens. Unless you are planning on making a living off selling mind-bleach.
She then goes to pester a warden about going into the mother and baby unit, only to be told that there is no room left. Unlucky, love.
Back in the street, a militant Norris wants to declare war on Sylvia. He is worried that she'll soon start to charge him 7p to breath. Hopefully, if they bring this in, Gail will only have 6p. Norris vows to bring Sylvia down, but only after learning from Emily that the Gazette says that the ENT department at the surgery might be closing. I don't know, after the good news about the new toilets at the bus station, they go and drop that bomb... The Lord giveth with one hand and with the other he taketh away.
Meanwhile, in the cafe, Sylvia continues to drive business away by trying to force Karl to buy something because he had a piss and, when he refuses, bans him. If I were him, I'd use the new ones at the bus station. I bet they have Dyson Airblades and everything.
Karl, Emily and Norris gather in The Kabin to moan about Sylvia. Amid some mindless nattering, Karl divulges that his Achilles heel is, actually, his Achillies. Who'd have thought? Saving us from this descending into an utter waste of time, Sylvia comes into the shop for a paper (maybe she's got wind of the ENT story, too).
In retaliation to Sylvia's new pricing scheme, Norris charges her £5 for her paper based on the assumption that up to 10 people, in the cafe will read it and that the value increases with readership. This makes him Karl's hero. I mean, seriously Karl, get a grip, mate.
After all this excitement, we head back to the prison to see Fizz discover her cell-mate unconscious. Even though it looks like it's probably a drugs overdose, I wouldn't be surprised if her body had just given up after being locked in a cell having to listen to Fizz's teary witterings. Ruth tells Fizz not so say anything about the drugs. Fizz says that she doesn't like lying. She's obviously forgotten that she's just been up in court for fraud.
When Carla and Leanne run into each other in the Rovers, Eva takes the opportunity to wind Leanne up. Frank suggests than maybe Eva should join them and Leanne tries to tempt her further by telling her they were about to rip up birthday cards before playing pass the parcel. Sounds enthralling. No wonder Eva decided to walk out.
In an informative discussion, we find out that Carla's mum is still dead and that Frank thinks she's a trojan. I take this to mean one (or all three) of these things: a) He thinks she resembles a horse. b) she's Greek or c) she's a bit rubbery.
Frank says that he's called the registry office and says that the nearest available spot is in three weeks. Carla shocks him by insisting that she wants that slot (after all, it's normally Frank who's insistent on filling a... well, you get where that's heading). After Leanne leaves and Frank nips to the loo, Peter tells Carla that he doesn't trust her. She tells him to get over himself and says she doesn't want him, just Frank. Whatever, love.
We end the episode in prison, where Fizz searches Ruth's baby's room for the drugs. As she finds some, Ruth walks in. Dun, dun, duuuuuuuuun! Tense, right? RIGHT?!
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