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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Friday 9th September - Part Two

The second part of Friday's two-parter brings yet more Ken Barlow action. The man is in danger of becoming overworked.


Deirdre tells Ken about Steve threatening to phone the police, but Ken is more bothered about him getting his book from the library, after THREE MONTHS!


Tracy then makes her grand entrance. I say "grand entrance" I mean it in the sense it's a grand entrance like stray cats make a grand entrance into your garden before shitting on your geraniums.


Peter is interviewed about the crash, giving the producers an excuse to fill a few minutes up with a re-cap of the last two episodes. Peter struggles when asked about whether Carla was in the driver's seat but finally decides to keep to Frank's version of events.


After Frank is interviewed by police, Carla goes to see Peter, insisting that he lied to the police because of his feelings for her. Peter admits that he cares for her but, despite Carla telling him she loves him, he doesn't reciprocate her feelings.


Steve is about to make the call to the police but is stopped when he finds a toy car belonging to max. He explains to Becky that he's sorry about what he did in losing Max. I love Steve, but the guy is a bigtime soft arse.


Anyway, things seem to be going a bit better between those two and steve suggests going to mediation, rather than going through the courts for their divorce. in turn, Becky tells steve she's forgiven him for Max. Aww...

When Frank returns from the police station, he reveals that he has been charged with 'driving without due care and attention', meaning he will avoid jail time. Carla tries to tell him something about the wedding but he speaks over her.


When he finally asks what she wanted to tell him, she says they need to sort table plans. I didn't know someone could look so worried about tables.


Marcus asks Anna about her adoption process, rather creepily, before telling Sean that they should adopt, Sean looks quite confused about the idea.


Chris asks Maria out for a drink after dazzling her with his new look and, probably, the sunlight bouncing off his head. Like most dates in Weatherfield, they go to the Rovers and 'accidentally' bump into Lloyd and Cheryl, who acts a little bit jealous.


Back at the Barlows', despite pleas from Deirdre and Kenneth, Tracy refuses to go and see Steve. Then, in a tirade rarely seen from the corduroy-haired senior-super-stud, Ken brands Tracy "a selfish, cruel, manipulative woman" who's "not fit to be a mother!"


Ken doesn't do much but, by golly, that was worth the wait. I just wish he'd have punched her, too.


Later that night, as Deirdre chats to Tracy about why she cant sleep, Tracy reveals that she's preggers, with Steve's baby.


Poor, poor Steve.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Friday 9th September - Part One

Nowt much has changed since the previous episode as Frank is still trying to convince Carla that the cover-up is the right thing to do and her not thinking he's right.


Dylan makes a list of things to do on his last day and, at the top, is 'be a prat'. If genetics are anything to go by, he shouldn't have to worry much about not achieving that. Although it turns out he means 'pirate', meaning he's a prat anyway.


As Sean irritatingly spends the day with Dylan, Marcus resolves to help him through it and, when Maria jokes about having a baby of their own (I'm not sure how she did on her biology GCSE, probably shit) Marcus begins to get ideas. He doesn't seem as dense as Maria so, presumably, he's thinking more along the lines of adoption or something else that is actually physically possible.


Karl confronts Frank about Carla's visit to see Stella, accusing him of getting her to do his dirty work for him. Surprised at finding out about Carla going to the hospital against his wishes, Frank pulls Carla up on it. Under pressure, Carla cracks and admits to telling Peter the truth about the crash.



Carla tells Frank that she never asked him to cover it up for her but Frank says that he had to because he loves her. Frank then goes to plead with Peter not to tell the police about Carla being responsible.

Steve McDonald is becoming anxious over the whereabouts of Tracy and Amy and he tells Deirdre that he will call the police in an attempt to bring his daughter home.


If I were Steve, though, I'd trade Amy for being shot of Tracy. In fact, I'd be getting the police involved just to make sure they stay away. It's too late for that, though, because guess who's hiding round the corner? Yes. That's it. It's Curly Watts. Not really. It's Tracy.



Thursday 8th September

Obviously, the main talking point in this episode is... KEN HAS A LINE. He does something! Ruining the very motivation behind this blog's title.

You may as well stop reading now because that's it for this episode. The highlight. The best bit. The creme de la creme. Go on, then, carry on if you must...

Grappling with her conscience, Carla decides that she wants to visit Stella in hospital. Frank tries to discourage her, saying that she doesn't want to see Stella lifeless. Why shouldn't she? We've had to since she came into the show. Being the sneaky broad she is, though, she visits her anyway, while Frank is busy at work.



Unfortunately for her, she can't sneak past Karl, too, who doesn't let her see Stella, telling her that Frank has done enough already. Snubbed at the hospital, Carla talks to Peter, and breaks down (shame the car didn't) and reveals it was her driving the car.

Back at the hospital, Stella has had her tubes taken out (shouldn't be much of a blow at her age, to be honest. What? Ah, those tubes.) but still hasn't come round. She's less likely to be dead, though. I suppose that's good. She's even well enough to finally open her eyes and, less positively, her mouth.

Relations are a bit frosty between Cheryl and Chris, despite his apology. Chris offers to find somewhere else to stay but Lloyd, thinking it's to do with his behaviour, convinces Chris, reluctantly, to stay. He then tells him that Pirates Of The Caribbean will make him lose the will to live because, well, if the tumour doesn't crush you, Johnny Depp will.

Lloyd tells Chris about tickets to a concert he has brought as a present for Cheryl. Chris then takes Cheryl and Russ to the cinema, ruining Lloyd's plan. When he is brought to task by Lloyd, Chris insists that he didn't know. The lying slaphead.

After Tyrone's success at the bar, he launches into an impromptu R-Kelly tribute, to the annoyance of Tommy and Kevin. I hope, for Kirsty's sake, he doesn't try to sing to her. Tommy spills the beans to Kev about why she really showed an interest in Ty.

Annoying Sean considers throwing a sicky so he can take time out to take Dylan out. Eileen suggests stitching his arm to his leg. I suggest stitching his irritating gob shut. Sean becomes (more) pathetic and annoying about Dylan going home as the episode progresses, as well as revealing he'll do anything for a sherbet dib-dab. Some things should not be broadcast. That sentence is one of them.

Wednesday 7th September

With ITV dicking about with their schedules to accommodate a game show even a deaf dog has a chance of winning, an episode of Coro on a Wednesday nearly caught me out. It didn't, though. Nowt gets past these Norris-like powers of observation.

Karl and Eva are still at the hospital, agonising about Stella and whether Karl will be able to choose a pair of socks ever again. Leanne, meanwhile is still blaming herself for Stella getting hurt.

While Stella is in surgery for her internal bleeding, Frank turns up and, in the face of hostilities from Karl, continues to cover for Carla, nearly getting a smack in the mouth for his troubles.



When the police turn up to interview Peter, Eva finds out that Leanne wasn't answering the door on purpose and begins to blame her. Leanne protests her innocence which, considering she was insisting it was her fault, is a bit backtrack, to say the least. Must be all that stress of having her relatives nearly dying on her so often.

Tyrone and Tommy head out on a night out after young Duckworth tires of Tina and Doctor Whatshisname flirting with each other. At the swanky bar that we've never seen before, Tyrone says that he's giving up on pulling. Tommy decides to help him and pays a woman to flirt with him to get his confidence back, sort of like Prossie-Lite, I suppose.

While chatting with tyrone, she finds out they have more in common than she thought and ends up giving him her number to arrange a date. Chalk one up for the 'Dobbs magic'



With Carla is still having doubts of Frank's cover up, he attempts to explain why it's best to go along with it by telling her that he likes wedding cake for breakfast rather than porridge. Now, I like cake as much as the next man but cake is not an ideal way to start the day. It is not particularly nourishing and it could leave him feeling bloated for the morning. Porridge, on the other hand, is good brekkie material. Especially chocolate porridge. Ready Brek taught me that.

Anyway, I digress, one of Frank's lawyer-type pals comes to visit to see about the possible repercussions and likely sentences Frank could face. He says, going by Frank's account, that he has nothing to worry about, as long as Stella stays alive.

Speaking of whom, Stella's surgery was a success but she has failed to awaken from the anaesthetic, meaning she may never regain conciousness. Definitions of the word 'success' must vary to a degree in the medical world. On the plus side, it means she might not have to put on that atrocious fake-Manc accent on again.

On hearing that Stella is in a coma and may not come through, Frank gets slightly less confident about his chances of avoiding a stint in the clink as Carla pleads with Frank to let her come clean.

In the Rovers, Lloyd talks to Steve and Becky about his problems with Chris and Cheryl while, back at his flat, Chris decides to make a pass at her, after blowing smoke up her arse for helping him. Despite the ego massage, Cheryl doesn't react in the best of ways. An oblivious Lloyd comes back with a peace offering of a chippy tea. I hope he forgot Chris' gravy. He doesn't deserve any.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Monday 5th September

Thanks to Red Or Black (the Deal Or No Deal for people too thick to open boxes) there was only one episode of Corrie in on Monday.

Things pick up at the scene of the crash with Peter rushing to call an ambulance, Stella lying prone in the street and Carla's car embedded in the front of the bookies.

While Leanne is distraught to find her mam seriously injured, shifty Frank, err, shifts Carla into the passenger seat before giving a statement to the police saying that it was he who hit Stella.



In the hospital, Leanne and Karl try their best to blame themselves for Stella's accident. Neither are as good at it as Frank, though, who tells Karl that she stepped out in front of the car and he couldn't stop in time. Needless to say that Karl isn't best pleased with him.

In the Rovers, Norris is revelling in his hero status and Tyrone informs Fizz their drug dealing hostage has been returned to prison.

With Karl and Eva at the hospital, Steve is left short staffed behind the bar. Becky sees this and comes to the rescue. As attention shifts to the accident, Norris starts to sulk about everyone has forgetting about his heroics due to the fuss over a piddly little near-fatal car crash.

Lloyd and Chris frantically search for Russ in the wreckage, to no avail. Lloyd eventually finds him behind a bin in a back alley. When Cheryl finds out what happened, she starts giving Lloyd a telling off.

Lloyd finally tells Cheryl that he feels like he's being forced out of his own home and that it's always him getting it in the neck while Chris gets off with it, just because he's got sodding brain tumour. Pfft. Soft arse.

Fizz returns to her cell to find it trashed and, after being taunted about it by Ruth, Fizz sees red and pushes her up against the wall, telling her what happened to her boyfriend. Ruth pulls a shocked-type face. If you haven't seen it before, it's similar to her sad and angry faces. And her normal face, too, come to think of it.



With Stella lying in a coma, all Leanne can talk about is stuff that she has said and how she needs Stella not to die. What a self-centred little madame. This spot of teary self indulgence is interrupted by Eva coming in. Shocked and angry to find Leanne there, she starts yelling at her, saying she doesnt want her there. Cow.

The nurse informs Leanne, Peter, Karl and Eva that it's touch and go over Stella, who is bleeding internally, and that she will need an operation. Leanne and Eva hug. This probably means that it will be Eva in hospital next. Leanne seems to have this kind of effect over people she gets close to. The last two have ended up in intensive care as a result of freak accidents involving vehicles going into shop fronts.

As Carla comes round, Frank tells her that he's going to be taking the blame and she has to go along with it. He gives his statement to the police, reaffirming that he was the one in the driver's seat. He then goes back to a confused (and probably hungover/still pissed) Carla to explain is plan and that she has to trust him.

Yup, trust him, the shifty attempted rapist. Who wouldn't trust such an exemplary character?

Monday, September 5, 2011

Sunday 4th September

For some reason, there was a Sunday episode of Corrie. This threw me all out of kilter, thinking Sunday was Monday and, as a result, it now seems as if this week will be a day longer. Brilliant.

Anyway, it's the morning after Norris' apparent run-in with the drug-dealer in the fridge and Rita is angry at Norris' disappearance, something that looks like it could become a monthly event.

Mary thinks Sylvia has locked him in the toilet again while Dennis thinks he's copped off. Theories that are, respectively, proven to be wrong and highly unlikely.

Over the road, Becky is starting her new packing job at Underworld, under the expert tutelidge of Kirk, and Frank's parents come to visit, with his dad confidently modelling the jumper on shoulders look. Expect more fashion news later. His mam is a very touchy feely person, who can't wait to start doing that pinchy thing, to Carla, that over-happy women do to babies. Understandably, this makes Carla anxious.

We get the news that Leanne still isnt preggers despite the constant 'practice' her and Peter have been putting in. Peter celebrates by booking cocktails. I don't know, maybe I missed something.

Unfortunately, the cocktails coincide with Carla, Frank and his parents' meal. Another example of the impeccable timing Peter has when it comes to his treats for Leanne. Outside, Carla tells Peter how much she's loving it. She blatantly isn't, unless she was on about the knocking back of the wine. This isnt helped with Franks mam's insistance on talking about them having kids.

Over at the bar, Eva pokes and prods Leanne about all manner of subjects, including Peter's drinking and the number of fingers on their hands. Leanne loses it a bit, storms out and marches straight into an argument with Stella. Another successful date for Peter Barlow. I wish he'd bring out a guidebook.

Norris finally turns up in the Rovers, after spending the night in a Police cell, having made a citizens arrest on the dealer. Tyrone and Tommy fall over themselves to buy him a drink and is lauded a hero. Norris explains that the dealer is back in prison for violating parole and that he was mistakenly arrested along with him.



Back to the fashion update and Chris has taken to wearing a stupid hat. He should just rock the baldy look. He was nearly there already, before he started growing it just before he started his treatment. After a bit of badgering from Cheryl about someone needing to be in the house with Chris and Russ, in case Chris keels over, Lloyd cancels a night out.

Chris questions Lloyd about is sudden decision not to go out and takes exception. Russ hears the argument and runs out, meaning Lloyd and Chris have to venture out to look for him. Bloody over-sensitive kid.

Back at the restaurant, Carla's drinking leads her to have a go at Frank's irritating mam, to the displeasure of Frank's dad. Once, he found out about it after he'd stopped trying to chat up the bar staff, anyway.

A bladdered Carla then waltzes out and, ignoring Frank's protestations, attempts to drive home.

Unfortunately for all concerned, 'home' isn't through the front of the bookies, via Stella's torso.


Because we'd gone a bit Tracy Barlow...

You know when Tracy went to bed as a 12 year old and didn't come down for a few years, with no explanation about her disappearance? Well that's what sort of happened here.

Anyway, before I bang on about Sunday's edition, it's probably a good idea to bring things up to speed:

Kylie - after splitting up Audrey and Marc, locking Gail out of the house and pouring water over David - went to visit Max. It didn't go too well as Max looked a bit disinterested but I defy anyone to tell the difference between that and his usual acting performances.

David 'rat face' Platt, meanwhile got a job offer that'd mean him and Kylie would have to move away. That quickly went out the window after Kylie got positive news from the Social Services, which is a shame as I was willing to piggyback them there myself.

This means that Kylie is now making plans to offer her own beauty treatments, presumably because it went so swimmingly last time. Despite this, she actually impressed Carla sufficiently enough to earn a promise of repeat custom. Then, after a bit of prodding from Audrey, she went and started crying about Max again. Change the record, love.

Becky had an interview with a couple of tossers. Impressed by her little parting speech, the less tosserish of the two interviewers offered her the job. Now she's asked Roy to pretend that Becky used to be manager in the cafe. Roy, being Roy (or Roy-bot 3000, as his creators originally named him), refused/was physically unable to lie, however, and cost Becky the job. Hayley comes to the rescue, though and gets her a job at the  factory.

Frank is buying a house for Carla. Not that she seems completely convinced about it, despite protestations to the contrary. Probably because she still fancies Peter. Good job she's not one to fly off the rails and hit the bottle at the first sign of a bit of pressure.


Fizz, meanwhile is getting a hard time of it in the mother and baby unit of the prison and Tyrone, Kirk and Tommy have kidnapped the drug-dealing boyfriend of Fizz's inmate, and hidden him in the fridge at the butchers.

This is caper that has, so far, involved Gary freaking out because Kirk locked them in while he attempted to put off a person viewing the shop and deterring Norris from investigating the fridge because of noises.

They weren't able to put Norris off totally, though, because he went back to investigate just as Kirk remembers he didn't lock up properly. When they return to check, they find that their prisoner has escaped, and no trace of Norris! Uh oh...